God’s love is like a river
At every turn and every bend
And faith in Him will turn your heart around
‘Cause even though we sin,
There’s forgiveness in the end
And the river’s gonna keep on rollin’ on
It Is Well With My Soul / The River’s Gonna Keep on Rolling
I instantly thought of David once he had been confronted by Nathan about his sin in murdering Uriah after committing adultery with his wife Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12) and I pondered about how the weight of his sin overwhelmed him. I like David was now grieving over my own sin.
I remember that moment when I deliberately chose to sin. And I remember also justifying my actions. I wasn’t hurting anyone. People would probably laugh at me because many, including Christians, would probably say, “Oh Raquel that’s so not a big deal. Don’t be so hard on yourself we all make mistakes.” And maybe had it been 20 years ago I too wouldn’t have thought it was a big deal. But, when God has done work in your life and you are sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s conviction you can’t just sin and think you won’t experience the weight of that sin. Even if in my human brain I had not done “the big sins” that we like to label like hate in my heart, which translates to murder or lust in my heart, which is equivalent to adultery or even stealing. The problem is or perhaps the blessing is that I know what the Scriptures says about sin. I know that sin to God is sin regardless of what it is. He has no categories. He does not compare our actions to other people. He cares about the state of our hearts. He gave us his Bible with clear instructions on how to live lives that please him once we say yes to following Jesus. He also tells us clearly what does not please him. That sunny day, I chose to not please him. I clearly disobeyed. I knew it was wrong and I still went down that road. I didn’t however, anticipate the sadness that would engulf me almost immediately after. My joy was taken away. I knew God was sad with me and for me. I didn’t feel his condemnation. I felt his tears alongside mine.
Over the next few days as my sadness continued to hang over me like a dark cloud and as I continued to mourn over my sin, I felt too ashamed to approach God. How could I? I love my God and I had hurt him. Simultaneously, while I grieved my sin I also experienced gratitude that the Holy Spirit’s conviction was so strong. I know this sounds strange but I was thankful for the type of relationship that my Saviour and I have. I was grateful that he wasn’t letting me “get away” with it. He didn’t let me have peace. I found it hard to stand up and sing worship songs because I felt unworthy. Slowly, in my brokenness, words slowly began to form and come out.
My complete restoration came to its full circle as I drove in the car listening to Billy Graham’s funeral. The radio station shared a clip of Billy Graham sharing the gospel. It was simple, clear and so powerful. Suddenly, I felt God’s overwhelming grace pour down on me. God had send his only son Jesus to earth. This Jesus lived a perfect life. He then died for my sins and the sins of every human that ever has or ever will exist. He rose on the third day, sent his Holy Spirit to live inside believers and he is now seated on the right hand of God. Once day, he will come back for his church (I.e. all people who have decided to follow him) to take us to our home in heaven. I am a sinner, who needed his forgiveness. Not just when I accepted him the first time into my life at age 7 but every day since then. And I needed to be reminded of this again that sunny day. I needed his forgiveness and I received his grace once again.
So, my question is simple. Have you asked God to forgive you of your sins? He will never say no if you ask with a sincere heart. Now, is the day of salvation. Don’t wait before it’s too late. He loves you and I promise you that life with him, although not always easy, is life like you have never experienced before. The joy, peace and contentment he gives you is unparalleled and unexplainable. You will never be more loved by anyone than by Him.
I’m thankful for the Holy Spirit’s conviction that sunny day, and I’m even more thankful for his open arms in receiving me even when I fell and even with my scars. He makes all things new.
Thank you Jesus for your grace. Thank you God for making a relationship with you possible because of Christ bridging the gap between a holy God and a sinner like me. I’m forever thankful. Amen.
God loved the world this way: He gave his only Son so that everyone who believes in him will not die but will have eternal life. John 3:16